Dying before you Die

There are days I wonder what I was thinking when I made the decision to leave my job in December of 2006 after almost 9 years. For 7 of those 9 years I loved my job emphatically. For 8 of those 9 years I was undecided if I still loved it or not. For the last year it was torture on my soul and my body and I had been feeling like I needed to get out.

It was hard, hard to leave behind a well paying job for someone without a college degree; hard to uproot my son and move in with extended family; hard to leave behind my self-sufficient lifestyle until I could get on my feet in a new place; hard to go back to school at the age of 30.

So I was watching an Oprah rerun today that focused on happiness. The psychologist on there made an observation that really hit home for me - it is possible to die before you die. In the context of the show, where they had just featured a woman who took a 90% cut in pay as she hit 30 because she was not happy at her job anymore (hello, can we say BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!) it made perfect sense to me. My soul was indeed dying at my job, and my body was following.

The last year at my job was the worst physically for me that I can remember. Constant back pain (a residual problem after my 2000 head-on collision), increased blood sugar levels, acid reflux, and a gall bladder that wasn't even working anymore, just to name a few. The gall bladder went in November, I resigned from my job in December. In June I visited my general practitioner and to my great joy, my blood sugar average was the best it had been in years. Yes, I was indeed dying before I died.

I still question some of my choices; some I think were made a bit hastily. I do not question my decision to resign, however. It's been a hard road, but my spirit and my body are in a better place now than they were last year at this time.

Right now I'm choosing to live, and at my core, live happily.

I am a copy cat!

My friend Mark (who go it from his friend Jeri) posted a list of 7s on his blog, and since I have not posted in so long, here is my work in progress. Sooner or later, I'll get it done.

7 Things to Do Before I Die:
- travel the US in an RV and see all the famous sites, at least one in each state
- yell less
- find true and eternal love
- travel throughout Europe and visit the places my family comes from
- see my son become a productive and essential member of society
- polish up on my French, learn Italian
- get healthy


7 Things I Cannot Do:
- quit over-analyzing things
- drive at or below the speed limit (AMEN Mark - I'm using this one!)
- stand liars
- keep my mouth shut when I think I'm right about something
- stand irresponsible pet owners
- a pull-up (not even when I was thin!)
- understand cruelty of any kind


7 things that attract me to people:
- eyes that tell you their soul's secrets
- intelligence
- playfulness
- a sense of self
- respectfulness
- a sense of humor
- a nurturing spirit


7 Things I Would Never Say:
- "I don't have an opinion about that"
- "I am a calm, rational driver"
- "Why don't we do it your way"
- "I am a morning person"
- "I'm proud of most of the choices I've made in my life"
- "I hate chocolate"
- "I love snakes"


7 Books or Series I Love:
- Harry Potter...books 1-7
- Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix (deserves a second mention since I cried)
- Salem's Lot
- 1984
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7 Movies I can watch over and over:
- Hope Floats
- Top Gun (and yes, cry each time Goose dies)
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Well, I spent about an hour tonight updating the layout of this thing, so maybe I should post a "Hello world, I'm back" message? Seriously, I have lots and lots to write about, but for now, this girl is going to bed!